


Lucifer Morningstar Walked Into A Supermarket

by phoenixnz



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 13:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18874132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixnz/pseuds/phoenixnz
Summary: Lucifer in a supermarket, on a Sunday.





	Lucifer Morningstar Walked Into A Supermarket

**Author's Note:**

> So, firstly, some might argue that the Sabbath day is a Sunday, but not according to the Gregorian calendar (Friday sunset to Saturday sunset) and I imagine Lucifer would observe that.
> 
> Anyway, I was reading a post in which somebody told a cashier they would go to hell for working on a Sunday and I thought, what would Lucifer do? Hence this little piece was born. 
> 
> This could be any time in the series.

Lucifer Morningstar didn’t care for supermarkets. As far as he was concerned they were just as bad as any other retail establishment where the staff carried on their apathetic, or perhaps that should be pathetic lives. He normally wouldn’t be caught ‘dead’ in one, either, but he was trying to do something nice for the detective. Not only was she stuck at home with the child, she was also full of what he could only term as his father’s little joke on humanity. Something called Influenza. 

Yeah, the sight of Chloe Decker with her nose all red, running like a leaky faucet was wondrous to behold. Not! 

Not to mention the cough that sounded like she was literally about to spit her lungs out. 

Lucifer didn’t do well with sickness. But this was the detective, who he was rather fond of. Even if she came with a package deal of her mischievous offspring and her douche ex-husband. Okay, so Dan wasn’t all bad, he supposed. In small doses. 

He sighed as the line moved slowly. He’d heard that there was some kind of cosmic joke that as soon as one queued up in the shortest line, it would suddenly start moving at a snail’s pace while another line that had been rejected for its slowness would just as suddenly begin moving as if everyone’s tail was on fire. Which in Hell would have been literal.

He’d never thought of a supermarket checkout as an instrument of torture before, but it was certainly an idea. For both the customer and the cashier. Maybe when a certain douche ended up below, he could force him to work retail. The man certainly tortured enough people now with his endless bad decisions. 

Ugh. He moaned softly as the old woman directly in front of him began berating the cashier, complaining about the prices of everything and demanding price checks. The woman’s voice began getting louder and louder and the cashier was looking smaller and smaller. 

“Hey, lady, some people have places to be!”

A man standing behind Lucifer growled his annoyance at ‘price check lady’. She ignored the complaint and continued in her effort to try to force the cashier to break store policy and give her the cheaper prices. Considering the woman’s disgusting perfume and the clothes she was wearing, Lucifer was hardly surprised she was just as cheap as she appeared. 

Several items were put aside as the woman refused to accept the prices as marked. She slowly began digging in her purse for her money. She looked up at the cashier.

“You’re going to Hell,” she said. “Don’t you know it’s the Sabbath day? You should be in church.”

Lucifer groaned to himself. Spare him from religious nuts who acted holier than thou. 

She continued to scold the cashier who, Lucifer was sure, was working less out of enjoyment and more out of the fact they needed the hours. He couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Actually, madam,” he said. “The Sabbath is a Saturday.”

The woman glared at him. “I didn’t ask you.”

“Yet you feel the need to subject everyone in this line to your pathetic diatribe. And for your information, this cashier would not be going to Hell for doing their job and trying to earn a living. There is, however, a special place reserved in Hell for those like yourselves who appear to think they are better than anyone else simply because they attend a place of worship and read a piece of nonsense that sadly purports to be a true historical record. Which, trust me, it is not. Furthermore, might I point out, my dear, you are shopping on a Sunday. Which, according to you, is the day of worship. You force young people to work on days when, according to you, they should be in church. If they were doing so, you would not be able to shop. I believe that is what they call the proverbial pot calling the kettle black.”

She stared at him, open-mouthed.

“Now, if you don’t mind, other people have places to be. Sick detectives to take care of. So pay for your goods and take your cheap perfume out of this store. You’re giving me a headache.”

She looked as if she was about to begin berating him so Lucifer decided the only thing to do to get rid of her was to just give her a hint of his devilish nature. He let his eyes change ever so slightly. 

She stared, shuddered and handed over her money, before grabbing her groceries and running out of the store as if a demon was after her. To much applause from those in line behind Lucifer.

He loved being the devil sometimes.


End file.
